I know I've been crazy this past week. This drama in my life is affecting me a lot more than I expected it to. The supposed to be inspiration is slowly nearing its expiration. I must put an end to this - my fantasy.
It's either I cannot concentrate or I concentrate a lot with my work and I'm feeling that it is not healthy. I find myself staring blankly outside the window or just sitting in front of my laptop, doing nothing.
Earlier today, I was home alone and a lot of things were being processed in my mind. Not just about the current situation but about different factors in my life. The bottom line is that: I am scared.
Scared to love.
Scared not to love.
Scared not to be loved.
Scared to lose people.
Scared about my work.
Scared about my future.
Scared about what people think of me.
Scared to age.
Scared to be rejected.
Scared to be alone.
I try to act like there's nothing wrong. It's hard but I kind of got used to it whenever I'm out in front of my students, my family or friends. What I am feeling cannot really be explained. I just know that my chest will explode anytime soon. I want to cry and let all of these out of my mind and heart even just for a while.
Some might find this shallow or think why am I making a big deal out of it. But it's hurting me and making me feel depressed so I think that's enough reason for me to put my attention to it... and people close to me can see that.
Maybe it's the time of the year when my mind play tricks on me and I'm sure that I will just laugh at this post soon. I wanna let this all out that's why I'm writing... hoping that this will help me recover.
PS: The music that iTunes is playing the whole day is not helping me in any way. Lol.
(-_-)
Sunday, February 8, 2009
This Must Stop.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
the bad news is, yea, what you feel now eats you like a monster. one by one. step by step.
but the good news is,
it's normal. and at least there is a room for improvements and there is still a room for happiness. you know what i mean? soon enough, you will be fine. you have to be fine.
you should not very well let these frights eat you up, toni you have to be strong most of the time and you should attract positive energy.
none of these things should stop you living life to the fullest.
for now, you have your friends and family. you will never be left alone. never. and wonderful as you are, no one can reject you. but life throws us swords at times. and that we have to take off our system. so, get up. take off the sweord. you are loved. you are loved.
smile. and worry no more. you will be given what you need (maybe not what you want) in God's most perfect time.
hugs!
Post a Comment