Sadness Of Love.

Wow it's been a while since my last entry.

Anyways, a lot things happened to me these past few days. A lot of tears had been shed and words spoken. I'll admit it. I still love him so much but I think it's time to let him go and move on.

I've been hurt three times already and I don't want to experience number four. I'll use my head this time not my heart. But... I have a lot of buts.. sigh.

I already told him my decision. Here's a part from our conversation yesterday:

"Yes I know you love me and I love you too. I'd like to make this work again but I don't trust you anymore. Let's just move on with our lives. It won't be easy especially for me but I have to face the truth. Loyalty is very important to me."

I really said those words to him. Painful? Yes. I can see that he's hurt too and really really sorry for what he did. But I did what I had to do. No more us. 

Sad...

Here are my last words to him:

"Please stay."

I'm happy because we're both okay now. I had forgiven him already but sad at the same time because he'll be going back home..... leaving me in a couple of days. Damn.

(;__;)

Almost over you.

OMFG.

Is this really happening? He's back.

We just finished talking via YM. I wasn't able to control my emotions. I know he's sorry but it's not that easy to forgive him after what happened. Damn no. 

So can you imagine what I look like right now? (;_;)

Here's the fun part... I'll be meeting him tomorrow for lunch. We have so much issues to discuss... Ours and his divorce with the wife. YES. They're DIVORCED. 

I dunno if I'm gonna feel happy or not. 

We'll see what happens.

-----

Here's what's playing on my iTunes.

Almost Over you

by Sheena Easton

I saw an old friend of ours today

She asked about you, I didn't quite know what to say

Heard you've been making your rounds 'round here

While I've been trying to make tears disappear

Chorus:

Now I'm almost over you, I've almost shook these blues

So when you come back around after painting the town

You'll see I'm almost over you

You're such a sly one with your cold, cold heart

Maybe leavin' came easy, but it tore me apart

Time heals all wounds they say and I should know

'Cause it seems like forever, but I'm lettin' you go

chorus

I can forgive you and soon I'll forget all my shattered dreams

Although you left me with nothing to show, full of misery

chorus

When you come back around after painting the town

You'll see I'm almost over you

(-__-)

Are they ready?

Gosh. I don't know how these kids graduated from High School. 

Note: I'm referring to the new (June) batch not the old (May) one. haha.

I was checking their second quiz for prelims earlier today. I already gave this quiz to my first two classes before so I thought that this would be easy for them too. But... I was wrong. haha

I have this habit of including an essay in their exam. I give them three questions and they should answer two of them in essay or at least paragraph form.

One essay read: 

"Computer literacy is very important because you can read and right the computer."

Believe me, you don't want to read the rest of it. hahaha. I think not even half of them passed the exam. 

I'm not perfect and I don't speak fluent English either. But I can proudly say that I can compose better sentences than them. 

Okay shoot me! haha.

(^_^)

 

T and T.

Since last sunday, I've been addicted with these two T's.

First T: TypeRacer

I found this website from a forum. I checked it and got addicted instantly. It's a typing tutor in which you can practice by yourself and game where you play against other online players. It will also measure your average typing speed. (wpm - words per minute)

Currently, my skill level is Megaracer, average speed is 58wpm and races completed is 105.

Still need a lot of practice! my target is 80-90wpm.

Second T: Twitter

This one I got hooked. It's like a social networking site but is more focused on text updates. Like a blog but contains a maximum of 140 characters only. The term used for the site is micro-blogging.

You post updates about yourself. Like, "I'm having coffee and I saw a cute guy here in Starbucks!" haha.

Just answer this question: What are you doing?. 

That's it.

(^_^)

Disaster...

I'm still shivering as I type this post. haha.

Okay here's what happened.

My mom was repairing my sister's cocktail dress. She didn't like the style of the outer lining so she asked my mom if she could do something about it. Then I came along. haha.

I sat beside my mom on the sofa. We were talking about the computer that I would like to buy. I was holding a calculator and calculating how much more money do I need. I wasn't really paying attention about the things around me. Without me knowing, I was holding a pair of scissors on my left hand. Mommy and I was chatting about credit cards and money when suddenly I heard a sound.

The sound was made by the scissors...

OMG. I accidentally cut my sister's dress!!! Oh lord.. god.. anyone up there or under. HELP ME!

I'm sooo nervous because I know my sister. How she will react.

She will hate me forever.

*hides*

(0_O)

And it continues...

So I just got back home... I went out with my family today. We did a little shopping and watched a movie. I was actually having second thoughts about going out as I have a lot of things to do. I've asked my mom two days earlier if we could go out today. She agreed so I didn't want to spoil out our plans. And heck I need to relax my body and mind.

I was hoping that this would make me free all the thoughts going on in my mind. It is hard to focus on doing one thing when my mind is traveling somewhere in the past. Or let's say that my past isn't that significant to me anymore. But it is the effect... the result from what happened in that past that is killing me. 

Every little thing that's happening to me is being magnified. That little thing has a very big effect on me.

I'm having a hard time talking to people, my students, even my family and close friends. It's hard to laugh and show that world that I'm okay though I'm not. sigh.

I have no idea what's gotten into me. I'm not sure if I'm really making any sense. But... sigh.

I'm just depressed. And I don't know why...

(-__-) 

What the?!?

Life is unfair... really.

Hmm. I think I'm having one of my episodes again. It's nothing serious but... You know, once my brain starts thinking, nobody, even me, can find the stop button. haha. 

Well I found this quote yesterday and I believe that it's true:

"Depression is like a harmful drug... addictive but dangerous."

You can't have all the good things in life they say. I'm a living proof of that. haha. I won't brag much about how comfortable my lifestyle is. We're not rich but I'm my mommy's baby. (aka "spoiled brat"). hahaha.

But there's still something missing that no amount of money can buy. One thing that I can't ask my mommy to give me. One thing that I can't order at eBay. sigh.

I really got traumatized from my last relationship. This event in my life really changed me big time. I thought that I was okay but my emotions can really change in a matter of seconds. And if this happens, it can last for a week or so. 

I can't sleep... I can't think... I can't smile... I can't laugh.

I'm still searching for someone but I'm afraid to fall in love. (may ganon?)

I'm okay, really.

(-__-)> I love iTunes. haha

Credits to x_therumor for the Mixtape of Love